Sitting Bull would flay his own skin
forego rest
nourishment
hydration
bring himself to the brink of death
for a message from beyond
or above
or within
a prophetic vision to guide him

and I wonder if I chose this life
before I arrived this time around
chose this constant sickness
this brain on fire
and the trauma that detaches 
mind from body
an incessant hell, near death purgatory
as to always be connected
to that prophetic state
even my pain is small
smaller still: my worries