Posts for June 9, 2020 (page 9)

Everyone says I look like my mom
I am my fathers child, worlds apart, mannerisms carbon copied
 Put me on the transplant list age 15
Soon I will need new lungs anyways 

i want to celebrate someone.
i came to say so.
you weren’t home.

you were counting all the flowers—
these—adorning the thoughts
on each of your dark little fingers.

so many thoughts to this finger,
others resting in your palms.
your thumb standing opposed,
it grasps for understanding.

i want to celebrate with you,
i came to say so.
you weren’t home.

when we met
you never were anything
but a sensibly private,
and shy person 
masquerading as a barfly,
until you disappeared
from my life,
only to dart in, out,
like a butterfly moth
drawn to me,
always welcomed
back with joy.
you bring my colors
out in fashions
i never dreamt—
because i’ve hidden
behind antics, posturing,
and words.
you’ve never drawn
a false note from me.
one will never be.
my friend.
i know your heart.
the dearest of all i know.
it is uncomplicated, without pride.

i know you as i know myself.
i reach out.
you dive in.
the mirror is 
the same surface as ever before.

for i took you
my friend,
                  swimming in your forged and
                  piercing obsidian eyes,
only
        a gentle-woman, and
                                               one i love.

i want to celebrate with you,
i came to say so,
should you read this, know.

You are the second dead body I have seen today
I don’t know you
But I care about someone who loved you – and always will
You have had the loving touch of a funeral director
to make you look –
Look like you are sleeping
I’m sure it comforts the family to see you this way
You are dressed in a suit
All dressed up to go to your final resting place
No longer in a hospital bed
There is no more waiting for you to take your last breath

This morning I was called to be with a family whose loved one was
actively dying
When I arrived he was no longer breathing
No longer alive
No breath
He too, was a dead body
He too was surrounded by those who love him – and always will
He was newly dead
No makeup
No loving touches to make him look more presentable
To make him look
less dead

With love and respect we paused at his bedside
for a moment of silence
And remembrance
And a prayer of thanksgiving for the love that was shared during his lifetime
Thanksgiving for the promise of eternal life 
and never-ending love was proclaimed

And life goes on
Life, death, life beyond death
And the promise that love never dies

Death changes things
It is the reality of finality 
No do overs
It is not a joyful time for singing allelujah by and by
Or flying away
Death is a holy thing
Numbing
Reflective
Afterall, we are dead for a long time
Longer than our short lifetime in human form
We will all become dead bodies 
Bodies that held hands and laughed and hugged
And loved and were loved
Dead bodies
But not dead souls or spirits
Bodies die
But love does not
Love lives on

Today she taught me how to sew
In a rudimentary way,
Doubling the thread,
Tying a knot,
Running a basic stitch
In a gently curving line
Across a crooked hem
In a makeshift facemask
I hope will grant me something
Like safety.