The Two-Hundred and Thirty-Third
mass shooting of the year
happened today,
the birthday of the Commonwealth.
Two hundred and Thirty Years ago
Kentucky became a state.
Since the beginning of this year
gun violence has taken out
“four or more people,
not including the shooter”,
A mass shooting a day for each year
my home had been a state.
Do I want it to stay here,
with 49 others?
Wondering when my card is up
because the right to own a weapon of war
is worth more than a life.
Coffee pours until quarter after
When you trade one brew for another
It fits your hand better
You were parched
You needed something stronger
You’re mowing the yard
It’s the weekend
Jimmy Buffet says so
A list of why’s that shielded my eyes
From the pain that you drank away
Until I stared into your truth
For the both of us
I bought my first pair of scrubs today.
These smooth
navy blue pjs
with white polka dots on the inside.
I spent 45 minutes in that store today,
a store bubbling over
with any color and a variety
of pocket locations.
My fitting room littered with blues,
greys, and blacks in any size they had.
Finally finding the right length
and the most flattering color,
the mirror reflected a person
I have not known myself to be,
but one I am excited to meet.
The racks towered over me
and price tags laughed in my face
yet
I walked out of that store today
ready for my first day in healthcare.
Kept pumping brake with right foot
pushed ignition button with index finger
Car would not start.
Was the battery dead?
Panic stricken, I tried again and again.
Will miss my appointment.
Should I call AAA?
Wait! What is that barking about?
He only barks when I come home.
What is he telling me?
I walk in and hear a beep.
Left my key fob in my other purse.
He knew,
Told me to come back.
I was missing something.
the sound a skateboard makes on the street
movement yet it reminds me of no one in particular
and I walk
with a purpose because gas is high yet I’d choose to walk nonetheless
I arrive at my destination and consider
yes, maybe, then finally no
a familiar tune but still, mine
I am ready and the process has been, at times, brutal
the wheels though
often turning slowly as change does
all the while I have felt as if I’m spinning, spinning, out of control
then it ends
begins again only cleaner, starker, more melodic
much like when it finally stops raining
the sounds on the street, skateboards and loud talkers, resume
and to my ever slightest joy, finally I think of
no one in particular
he side-eyes
I’ve learned to trim the poison ivy along the fence row
like a hedge
to globe the Johnson grass outbreaks on the lawn and leave the
ambitious
polk weeds standing to find their architectural
red glory.
I found topiary forms of deer and rabbit to
caramelize
the rage and heat and defeated conceits of suburban
garden green.
I woke up
from a bad dream
about a bad friend’s
birthday,
and in the text my grandmother sent me
about my birthday
she deadnamed my partner,
which I know was on purpose
because she said it was.
seven unread emails,
all of which needed to be responded to
yesterday.
the kitchen is a mess,
the laundry is never-ending,
our new bed frame makes
gouges
in the beautiful hardwood floors
of our rental apartment.
we don’t have enough recycling space
for the number of wine bottles
we go through in a week,
so they sit and stare at us constantly,
asking us if we feel ashamed.
my partner has long Covid;
they cannot afford to get it again.
two days ago,
my coworker tested positive.
every shift I skip to keep them safe
is a shift I don’t get paid for.
I paid my rent today with money
that I don’t have.
the U.S. Military
tweeted today
in celebration of Pride Month
and the comments underneath are
disgusting.
my representatives
are working overtime
to ensure my reproductive rights
are taken away
and they refuse to
pass gun legislation that
protects me.
these are just the things that I woke up thinking about.
I have always been quite the optimist
and
I know that everything is not bad.
but I am waiting for the world to have
it’s Tower moment
and honestly,
it can’t come soon enough.
