Processing/ Snapshots
Your mouth burning, choking, plant water, whole bottle, indescribable taste, dissolve, tongue peeling/ your left hand holding the lock/ brown constellations running up the door frame, flecking off, dried blood/ shut eyes pressing in, black hole, tunneling, checkered carpet’s squares rippling/ look down/ window open, strangers, invasion, room devolving into clutter, wrecked/ blue and red dancing, haze/ look up/ we have to go, now, we have to go right now/ the neighborhood watching, silent presenceless crowd, endless sea of men, ushered, followed, shut in/ white interior, no seat belt, no gurney, sit up, lean in, write the poem, hear your mothers heartbeat ringing, savor/
get out, contemplate the running lines of traffic, a current, a riptide, flight risk, you do not do it/ sit down, wheeled in/ people in the halls, rows of filled beds, sicker, less sick, lead in, watercolor polka dot wallpaper/ questionnaires, hurry, tucked in bed, lines hooked up, start to feel it/ doctors with glasses doubled, two heads, vomit, yellow, pail/ thoughts catching and lagging, time warp/ you are in third person/ try to write the poem, contemplate the yellow walls/ unhook, bathroom, reflection above the sink, pupils black holes, purple blossoming under eyes/ heartbeat rocketing, door ajar, switched rooms, sitter/ you talk to stay alive through the night/ your mother is asleep on a bench, feet in a wooden rocking chair/ hand soothing your forehead, listener/ you are awake for three days/
transferred down, begging for sleep, pacing, terror/ you walk with a friend, she rambles about the devil tempting her, she talks about family, you do not understand what she says, you like her voice/ sleep/ wake, introduce yourself to the group/ you promise you are not like this normally, but you currently do not feel real/ the yellow plastic chairs melt/ white noise, radio chatter, your mother’s voice, talk show host/ neon orange ear plugs/ talk to a friend, talk about living, want it, neon nails, bracelets/ dinning room, friend swallows the hard boiled eggs in your salad/ friend writes you several poems, you write one back/ you are real again/ talk to a chaplain, talk about living, talk about dying/ locked hall/ choke on vanilla, taste the peeling mouth, that first burn/ peach shake, better, gums in throat/ I will swallow a whole packet of salad dressing if I have to/ you are terrified to shower so you shower in your clothes/ blood draws daily, bruises flowering in technicolor at the crease of your inner elbow/ kilograms to pounds/ interviews, interrogation, eat, now/ slam the phone/ friends crying/ repeat/ you will go to Connecticut/ bite him, aura tattoo/ empty room/ what a pervert/ room gutted, nothing left, read the poems/ hide the thin markers/ reasonless vertigo, something about the pills perhaps, lighting severs your brain/ vomit in a paper bag, it gets on the floor, no one cleans it, sock feet/
transferred North/ you are comforted by a friend, you are here again/ paint the white-hot glow of sundown on the buildings, mini canvas/ oil pastels, a friends face/ arm with IV lines, watercolor and pen/ friend brings eclipse cookies, she watches it from the courtyard, you do not see it from your room/
transferred West/ North Woods Law, ID, Oxygen, turn off the TV, do not turn it back on/ sitters, endless, pace, the room is 7 steps, count to 3000, walk the halls with a friend, pitcher of water, 10 oz cups, 60 oz total/ you are not allowed to pace/ puff paint/ they do not force feed you/ shower, beg for hot water, braid hair, hair clumps run up the shower walls, medicine cups of shampoo, Nair, roll on perfume, lip stain/ lobsters in space/ scopolamine patch/ diamond painting/ painting a clay bowl with tempera, looks like shit/ French sitter, tote bag/ a friend fights for you, treats you human/ you will go to Connecticut/ runner/ black out, holding the underside of the bed, you have insane grip strength, it happens again/
get discharged, lie, home for one day/ pack, in secret, disassembled watch, your grandma makes grocery trips/ dye hair Ion 4IR, review mirror’s reflection, startled at your own face, feel real/ hotels, bad breakfast, fancy suite, flavor pods/ arrive/ unpack, questioning, introductions/ school/ groups/ panic, pace the track, 350 steps, 5 laps/ panic, you will not go home/ slap her/ walk/ chain link fence, hands slick, slide under/ woods, blue fog, river/ embankment, fight, lay down, cold mud, numb feet/ it is an icy spring/ voices echo, cold mud, bog, bridge, German Shepherd whining/ familiar, white interior, begging, no gurney, seatbelt, talk about coffee, she’s so thin, soaking wet/
wheeled in, braless, pants too big, lay down, voices from the other room/ I speak French, crayon hieroglyphics scramble up the walls/ your mother comes/ a friend imparts wise words, her crystal earrings swing/ tick bag, frozen/ pack the car, midnight, start driving, hotel/ churros puffs/ steal the cookies/ hot tea, go home/ gutted, you are left with shards and splinters in your skull/ untangle/ haunted
