agnostic
as far as she knew none of it was real
neither the birdsong nor the calls for unity
neither the sky nor the rage burrowed in her neck
neither the hope she risked nor the ashes of her dreams-
the ones she hid underneath her tongue
I’ve stumbled upon what appears to be
an absolute crux of everything
imaginable in this universe
pertaining to human relationships
and to my lifelong struggle
with feeling that I am not welcome or embraced
in a strait-laced-posing as avant garde art scene
or a so called “open minded” clique of erudite lackeys
who consistently praise and uplift on the basis
of mass conformity and ass kissing, shoe licking
shoe horned dogma, “love-thy-neighbor-
but-not-the-brown-or-poor-from-the-other-side-of-town” Christians
Be thy rebellious, but only in ways that are not atypical or unrecognizable
crowds of moon worshipping TikTok new age hipsters
walking a camel line to the cool side of the desert
going on publicized breaks from their incessant consumption
of Bacchus’s reticent, sleep-walking, over saturated pleasure
to tally their latest rare bird sightings
And that is that the human has a right
to believe what they want
and if they believe well,
they shant be wrong
but to choose to believe different,
to make thy own way
is the hardest indeed
For Nothing Is More Incomprehensible,
Threatening, Horrifying and Infuriating
As being unsanctioned.
I’m really not remembering
Those things I wish to bury
I keep them hidden quite away
From lighter ordinary
Things and purposely forget
The combination to the lock
So I won’t have to have to face those things
I’d rather have forgot
It truly is convenient
And I’m doing oh so well
Just thinking of the things I want
To think about and tell
So little artist child I beg you
Not to dig too deep
It surely is much better
Just to let forgotten sleep
Wild-eyed
the loud loud sound
that a car makes
when it’s run off the road
and onto a curb
the crunch of plastic shell.
From the porch, I heard the rain
Coming from the holler behind me
Before it pounded the tin above me
The shower moved on as quick as it came
Back to digging in the dirt
And smearing it, and sweat, across my face
Another cloudburst set me running
For shelter under the edge of the shed
Partially collapsed from a winter storm
The rain is cold, but doesn’t cool
The shock of cold, fat raindrops
Quickly replaced by steamy, thick air
Dirty fingernails scrape damp tendrils from my neck
As a breeze pushes the rain away
And grants a small respite from the heat
My book shelves shimmer with my daughter’s sunsets,
Twilights that grow from the stained glass of ponds
Brimming pickerelweed and lotus.
She strews sunsets on sidewalks around the neighborhood
And pulls me outside after supper
To watch the sun unspool tones it hid through the day
From everyone else, the very tones
She endlessly brings to me.
it’s all an
orange sodium light
honey suckle
cicada screaming heat
wide open to a sky
full of blurry blue and red
flashes of cataclysmic explosions
while the earth is drug
through a void
spinning and orbiting
through a constant state
of death and rebirth
on a vibrating infinite red loop
all of it set in motion by
machine
god
or a mixture of the two
with plans and equations
that physics follows
and don’t follow
bigger than all of the dreams
of dead living and future poets
the treble’s turned up
threatening to break
the dome of creation
its all turned to eleven
and then that opening C
a chord that was there
at creation
travels through time and space
you touch your chest
sing along with Sinead
I am reminded
we are the sweet and salty
rim intoxicated on one another
listening to you sing
I know when I taste you
it is the sun
Some day when death is near
I’m certain there will be some,
Who will have amany a thing
Or two, maybe, very a few at all
To say, about a woman like me
But one thing I hope will be certain
I can only hope with all my whole heart
That those I hold so very close and dear
Knew that every day that I arose
I did so with an openness, willingness
And an urgency just for each of them
We get only one chance to experience
Each other in this lifetime of existence
In my final moments
I’ll be damned if regret
Was the last thing I taste on my lips
Never leave words of endearment unspoken
Let those who are worthy of the best
Hear those affirmations of the soul
No tears shed over graves will
Mend brokenness in the life thereafter
An unlived and unloved life
Is the only thing wasted
