Posts for June 23, 2025 (page 7)

There’s a girl who so long, lived stagnant at ten
now time’s gnawing presence is fatal again
A kite tied to her wrist kept her grounded on earth
A kite of four colors by her side since birth

One color was green like a thumb is to plants
One color was red like a firefighter’s pants
One color was blue like she felt at it’s end
The last one was orange, a sunset, a friend.

But the colors turned grey as the years traveled by
And the girl did grow weary; each lost color, she’d cry
Until that last color grew grey and faded as well
After thirty one years her kite finally fell.

Now aging has started and she’s burdened to know
Without her kite, ten is over and it’s time now to grow.
She’ll look back in laughter and not through her tears
’cause she was lucky to have this kite for thirty one years.

•I became a new mommy again this year, here’s another tribute to motherhood

💞My Whole Heart
Tired eyes, frustrated sighs
they weigh on me
like a heavy summer storm.

But every time their laughter forms,
the breath of life returns.
With every bottle I fill,
with every bit of advice I give,
I find myself again.

Sisters to each other,
daughters to me.
The oldest, a mirror of my youth.
The youngest,
a wild force, bound to bring the hammer down
and change the world
with her grace alone.

And I’d do it all again
the tears,
the struggles,
the pieces of me buried
beneath the rubble
just to see their faces
shine.

Now, I’m truly happy.
These girls propel me forward,
pulling joy from the chaos
of our own little circus.

Motherhood has me
shedding old skins,
becoming someone new
my best self,
because of them.

Though eleven years apart,
they are sisters.
But to me,
they are my whole heart.

(Talking To Myself)

You spend most of your life
moving things around

The chair in the morning
is placed out of the sun
in the afternoon

A pile of books
follows you from room to room

A special stone from the Palisades
placed in the suitcase 
to fly with you 
to Temple Terrace

You pick up Penelope’s note,
her farewell,
among other things
it says
we are always 
within 
speaking distance

You tell yourself
to move it 
to your wallet
so you can exam it
more carefully
on the plane

The silence of the room bleeds and covers me.  You were gone and I was lost.  The wounds were wide open, but there was no where to put my hopes in.

You packed your bags and moved on, I’m heading to Arkansas, my feelings were strong.

I found you there, but I was boxed on the shelf, I realized you only thought about yourself.

You were off in Arkansas and you had moved on.

You had your pot and your porn, my presence was just a thorn.  For me, there never had even been made a place for scorn.

I’m stuck in Arkansas, feeling as if I’d never been born.

Your parents couldn’t have been kinder,  I couldn’t have been blinder. My replacement was already in place, there was no way to save face.  Dark was the sun, why did I even come?

I’m in Arkansas, stuck in the mud.

It felt so cold and I had nowhere to go.  You never cared from the start.  I was just pitch to clog a hole in your dead blackened heart.  I can never forgive you for what you’ve done, I can never forgive this foolish run.

I’m leaving Arkansas and I hope you choke on your bile,  you were just a waste of my time.  I’m leaving Arkansas,  there’s nothing here but cold ashes and dirty wine.  I’m leaving Arkansas,  you’ll get what you deserve…

Is not talking about the weather 
the most trite and still regularly practiced exercise of socialization?  
I don’t mind it, really;
in a way, it’s an offering across whatever miles of identity and experience separate us
       I can smile at anyone and say, “Hot enough for you?”
       knowing it will be returned by some form 
       of conversational connection.

I’ve actively worked
to overcome my annual despondence at the hands of the heat, the humidity, and so on.
People think it’s because I grew up in the Snow Belt…
       …that one’s constitution just can’t handle summer when it lasts a mere two months, 
       if we were lucky.
But that’s not why. 
It’s the summer itself
that defeats me
the constant demand to GO! SHINE! BE BRIGHTLY ALIVE!
the expectation that all of the buzzy seasonal energy is rejuvenating and exhilarating
the calendar overfilled with obligatory “now or never” meet-ups and outings
When all I want to do is curl into the leafy shadow of the oak trees
close my eyes
and wait for the fireflies

At my desk, I eat green beans from the can
to keep myself from devouring
items that jack up my BGL and A1C.
The night of the bombs, I ate
half a bag of cheap ($1.99) Kroger pretzels
with Pace Nacho cheese dip – mild
and a huge Cosmic Crisp™ apple.  

Binge continued:  
A friend left me some chocolate and peanut butter Rice Krispy Treats™ —
I don’t even like them. Two went down with ease.
So much for the re-gifting.  

At 3 a.m., a Kellog Chocolate Peanut Butter Protein Meal Bar™
            (12g of protein relieved my conscience)
and a dose of Methocarbanol™
wrapped their comforting arms around me.            

                            Finally

                                            I slept.

First, let the person you love know when you’ve seen the first lightning bug of the year. Alert her so you may have the chance to charm her and watch as it lifts off your arm while you are grilling dinner.

People pass through me
like a fog with no substance.
Their eyes slip off my edges
as if I were fluid
a fault in the fabric.
I sit in plain sight
not hidden, not concealed
but disregarded,
as though my presence
is an inconvenience to acknowledge.
But I am not a ghost.
I breathe. I take space.
And one day,
they’ll have to look.

It hurts to observe when life is teaching you, 
lessons you’ve been ignoring for years.
We kept ghasping for air while we choked.
In shallow cold waters of anxity, fear,
and other distractions along the way. 

She does not see you the way I see you. 
He doesn’t hug me the way you hug me. 
She cannot love you the way I can. 
And none of those guys, smelled the way you did. 

No lectures can last forever. 
Despite my expectations we graduated with top grades, 
and a bright future in front of our feet. 

It’s a great gift from God,
when you get that one thing you dream of,
and thought would never happen.