i have him memorized by now
the back of his neck is tan 
recently cut dark brown hair 
i run my fingers back and forth 
back and forth 

episodes and episodes go by 
yet i have no clue what’s happening 
in the show 
not because we do anything wrong
dirty
we do nothing at all

nothing except lay there 
stomachs touching and heart beats
falling into the same rhythm 
you’re so warm, he says 
a gentle kiss on
the back of his neck

in that moment i realize 
with a sigh of pure relief 
love is not a rush of adrenaline 
love is not a rollercoaster 

love is not being scared 
of the one who’s with you 
but being scared of 
the shattering of your heart
that would follow if 
you never got to kiss 
the back of their neck again