My mom stopped
taking hydro this week

sitting on the floor
all the other kids are
picked up or
at the after school program

I did it just to know what it felt like
wished it never ended
did anything else to try
to match the rush

I go to meetings in churches
and try to materialize
and talk through
what I can’t process on my own

Still I see dots in my vision
like atoms colliding 
Still I just want to be numb