Slewfoot Smokes
I.
In the old red truck–
its redness consuming like a whole mouth–
I lit a match for you there.
II.
Smoke and sulphuric scent,
phosphor puff–
wood stick
these
parts
are
the
ma-
th-
ch-
es
b
o
d
y
III.
for a time.
IV.
I light a match.
In my throat, I bite back and watch
my thoughts d i s s o l v e
like so much smoke–
scent lingers.
16 thoughts on "Slewfoot Smokes"
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Lovely. The concrete effects are neat.
Thanks, Kevin!
Interesting use of form. I might recommend that you take the dissolve to the end or use the scent lingers in a similar concretion so that the clever trick with the match dissolving can be use in a mor expansive way right at the end.
I appreciate the feedback and agree that it’s currently a little bit unresolved up there! Maybe a couple revisions away from a stronger poem! :p
i wish there were 5.. one for every digit of this lovely handful of sketches.. 🙂
Thanks, Dustin. I like that idea. 4 is a bit of an odd even!
I love the shape of this poem. And the economy and punch of each word!
Thank you Pam!
Awesome Shaun, you really create a tangible atmosphere that the reader can almost feel, smell, and taste. That last stanza is 10/10 btw.
Thank you! I appreciate it.
It’s an aesthetically pleasing, sensual, and somewhat sad poem. I liked it very much.
Thank you Lee!
I like how you turn
a phrase on your word lathe:
“the redness consuming like a whole mouth”
your poems are pure pleasure
Thank you, Jim. I appreciate you!
The use of space in this poem opens it up and lets the reader breathe deep all the smokes you want us to taste. I LOVE
Thank you, Sam! 💛