My First Poem
Fourth grade,
gifted program,
the teacher taught us how
to write cinquains for Mother’s Day.
Here mom.
Cinquain,
a crappy form,
copyright Adelaide Crapsey.
For real that was her name, Crapsey.
Ripoff,
American
faux haiku, syllabic—
two four six eight two syllables
cinquain.
It’s lost,
the staplebound
chapbook the teacher made
of cinquains, my long gone first poem,
mother
of mine,
but I remember
that I used the word old
to describe my thirty-one year
old mom.
Mother
loving caring
has a job so she can’t
be part of the carpool, nice, old
mother.
Something
like that, not true
and crap as poetry,
but at nine old was no insult,
mother.
I showed
her my first poem
and looked up expectant
and she ripped the towel rack down
angry,
hollered
I guess, to you
I’m nothing but an old
mother. I was just nine years old,
mother.
My poem
wasn’t true. She
wasn’t caring, loving,
nice. I’ve looked everywhere for the
right words.
My tears
are unmanly
but part of me’s still nine
and confused. Well, now we’re both old,
Mother.
27 thoughts on "My First Poem"
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Lol…..love it !!!!!
What part made you laugh?
You called your mom old at 31
Tom, I sincerely appologize for misreading your intent.
Nah, it’s all good.
I love the unexpected turn in the poem. Fabulous write!
Thank you.
What a great write. A bittersweet memory, for sure. Thanks for sharing.
I don’t see the sweet part.
“Fourth grade,
gifted program,
the teacher taught us how
to write cinquains for Mother’s Day.
Here mom. ”
It seemed hopeful in the beginning– the way a kid sometimes gets excited about something new.
My deepest apologies for my misread/interpretation of the opening.
Oh, it just tells me I might need to revise to make it clearer. Tone is tricky.
Good grief! So many mixed emotions here. (As a working and much older mother than yours was, I could add a carline stanza.)
What’s “carline”?
Similar to carpool, dear Tom, carline is the line of cars that forms at the beginning and end of the school day at non public schools. Since independent schools don’t bus their students to school in the yellow busses, someone has to bring those kids to school and pick them up. Those (usually) mothers form a tribe, take command of the Parents Association, and in general form a backchannel of gossip related to school. Not belonging makes you feel bad on behalf of your child.
My heart hurts. Wish I could give you a hug.
Did you become a wonderful poet out of revenge?
Thanks so much! For over thirtyfive years, poetry has kept me from falling apart. I’ve never felt like I quite had the skill to write directly about the abuse that’s fueled my poetry all along. I’m finally trying with the help of a therapist and a writing coach (retired CW professor who also had a therapy practice on the side). Hoping to have sonething chapbook length by January.
Really cool use of form. I enjoy the meta-nature of it. Effective and unexpected way of introducing a devastating memory
Much appreciated.
Oh goodness.
This is skillfully done!
You’re too kind, Tabitha.
Wow. At first I think this is a sweet memory, then I learn something about the form (Crapsey)…perhaps a hint to what’s coming and OLD (understandable term for a child to use, for who is NOT old to a 9-year-old?)…and then the unexpected turn to such a painful memory. Nicely wrought.
Thanks for the close reading, Pam.
This is incredible – so much happens here. A very powerful look at those memories.
Thanks Nancy.
Tom,
I love how you used the “crappy” cinquain form to explore a painful memory of a child’s first cinquain and a dysfunctional mother/son dynamic.
Thanks Rosemarie.