Today, the lake swallowed me again.  

Rewinding. 
Playing out old traumas. 
Represented in new faces,  
with different colors.   

I thought I had learned to swim. 
Claws to my back, tearing my spine to shreds. 
The monster pulls me to the bottom of the lake,  
while I cry silent tears, looking towards the surface.

My tears don’t matter.  
I’m caught in an everlasting current,
of repeated patterns and irrational fears.  

Press play.
It is when I turn off the music,  
and prefer the ringing in my ears. 
I learn the silence screams,  
louder than any death metal singer.   

In the distance I hear echoes of changed perspectives, and new opinions.
Maybe if I sit long enough with the silence…  
I‘ll remember that I took swimming classes.
I kick my feet and pull myself through the water.  

There are no claws, the monster lives inside of me.