I can’t find good in the grass
that moves through afternoon light.
No joy in the squirrels chasing each other
in the shade happy as seals.
 
I sit & stare at ants, weeds,
& an old station wagon. I can’t find 
a place for them to fit into the world.
I’ve got sitting on the back porch blues.
 
“Who cares, screw it all,” I cry.
I hear an owl in the direction of the river,
a puppy crying down the street
& wonder why they don’t bring me joy.
 
Svetlana has a picture of a golden bird
from Russia. Right now, if I saw a golden by
bird with long bright plumes
like bananas, it might heal me.
 
I should phone, ask her to pronounce
golden bird in soft-tough Russian,
her native tongue. I want a golden bird
to lift me from all this sadness.
 
Note: I found this poem written in 1982 stored in a box 
of old poems. That was 43 years ago! I added a title
and changed the lineation from long one-stanza to five quatrains.