We would have stayed up all night 
smoking too many cigarettes.
Gotten exhausted with the gay-bar-scene,
dancing until our sweat turned blue from 
beer & rainbow strobe lights.
 
Closing time & you’d whisper,
 “I want you.” We’d always drive to
to your place & let our secret out.
I was straight, you gay 
but we weren’t even ashamed, 
our arms bared for hours.
 
Over breakfast we’d banter 
about your hung-up family, my youth.
We drank so much coffee
the air cobbled but I never minded
because your eyes were the blue I craved.
 
I’d give up my sweet indulgence
in making love with strangers 
just to have another long talk with you.
I’d go back home in the blue morning,
heavy snowfall significant
& memorable as my bones.
 
* From a journal entry written in 1982.