My breath becomes lodged in my throat
Like the stale drag of a Marlboro cigarette
As I listen to the voice on the other end of the phone
911   What’s your emergency?
My mouth opens but the words are held hostage
911 What’s your emergency?  

I stare blankly at the phone     lips trembling       
My jaws unlock      words rush free
My body is trying to kill me  

Excuse me?
The dispatcher asks
As if trying to decipher a cryptic code  

I draw a deep breath before answering
Begging my nerves to keep silent  

My body and I have been in an abusive relationship for years
I was gutted like a fish      sliced open with a scalpel
Entrails removed     a damning tumor had taken residency in my liver  

My body is left with rotted umber marks
A jagged scar begins under my breasts   
Winds to my belly       like the volatile currents of a river 
Reshaping the landscape of my stomach  

In a calm tone that betrays what my body feels
The 911 operator says
I am dispatching the EMS and police to your address
Remain on the phone until they arrive
Tell me what is happening now     

I’m fighting fatigue
I’m fighting anxiety
I’m fighting mounting medical bills
I’m fighting the pretense that I am ok  

I see the units are pulling onto your street
They are now approaching your door
You may let them in and disconnect our call
Help is there