My optimism is heavy

Rife with choice messages from on high, 
Or maybe just over my shoulder
Some voice a whispering scream
This guidance divine
yet I remain unsteady,
 
I’ve given up nothing true
Except loving myself
The pain of memories collide
Nothing desirable is left
Reigned in again
a patchwork of flaws that I’ve accrued,
 
You know that moment
When you struggle, wondering
Why someone does what they do
The cause of their troubles
a resolution at some point
being heaven sent,

I’ve been this far
And I’m sure that I’ve been farther 
Had a completely broken heart 
And I’ve done without what’s call a father
I’ve been put down, I can’t be crushed
I’ve never seen the other side
But I’ve had that near brush.