I never thought I was invisible.
I stand out like a scarecrow painted in hot pink.
and I never knew why I loved being percieved,
or why listening to metallica helped me sleep.
but I’ve always been this way.
I loved mis-matching my clothes as a kid,
singing and dancing in public,
embarressing myself every time I go in public.

I even tried convincing myself I was basic,
just to see what it was like to try to fit in.
But I lost friends and it didn’t end well.
I never lost anyone for the way I dressed
but it still helped me realize something.
I can’t find myself when I’m lost in a field someone else made.
I have to plant the root of the stockings,
I have to search my own field.
Even if that means I’m alone in that journy,
It means I’ll find people who can give me better support.

I feel invisible to my family.
Ignored.
annoying.
ungreatful.
but I can’t lie to them or myself.
even if it means I’ll get a jugdmental look every time I walk down the stairs.
Their eyes shoot like daggers in my heart,
A dagger signed “no one will love you”
and those words course through my blood.

It never helps when someone else adds a dagger.
trust broken off too harsh.
but at least I have myself.
Even if it makes me want to get my own dagger,
stab myself til I start to listen.

Its hard to be myself in a family who doesnt share my field.
Thats why music has become my family.