In this never ending darkness
Why?
Why are you what I see?
When when I look back
I see nothing but pain
The good and the bad blur together like paint smeared on a canvas
Canvas, what a good analogy.
If my life is one large canvas, then you are but a tiny fucking smudge on the beautiful colors
But why does your smudge make such a difference
I stare at the smudge knowing that I can’t cover it up or the painting would look wrong
The smudge only gets smaller as my life goes on but I can still see it
Small as it may be
It taints the entire page with its deep black and red
Next to all these cyans, yellows, greens, oranges, aquamarines, purples.
You stand out
You always have
Since the moment I saw you I thought it would last forever
But instead you are this tiny smudge on the canvas of my life
I hate myself for still wanting to stare at this smudge
This inky and bloody smudge

Why do I still wish you would grow?
Why do you sit in my life?
Why can’t you just leave?
When this painting grows and grows and grows you’ll be too tiny to be remembered
But for now you sit
In the back of my mind yelling at me to turn my stylus around
To draw a straight line back to you
Too ruin my painting even more