Every time my female self
tried to emerge throughout childhood,
she was scared back inside.
The princess finally freed herself
from her tower
in her late twenties,
making herself known to me
playfully but forcefully.
For the first time,
it was safe (if still scary) to be her.

And now she’s the bubbly monkey on my back,
introducing me to music I never thought I’d like,
leading me places I never thought I’d go,
making me want things
that take courage.

Her world has slowly gotten bigger and bigger
as she has figured out
where she can and can not go,
who it is and is not safe to reveal herself to,
where to find community.

But a lot of her world is still one of deprivation,
of hiding,
of waiting,
of hoping for someday,
a day where she is safe to be herself
whenever she wants to.