Grief has made my world darker for a time
I have lost a huge part of my family,
someone who left this world way too early
I have felt some guilt about not being about
not being able to stop it
I have felt overwhelmed by the strong emotions
that such a loss entails
and the world has felt so much less beautiful
without my beloved Josh in it

But God has held me close in his arms
and sent friends and family to me,
when I thought I would drown 
in my own sorrow

God has given me words to write and express
the pain and sorrow that I have felt
that I could not express orally
I could literally not form sentences
to say what I have been able to write
I think that has helped me so much,
to be able to get the pain from my heart 
onto the page

I have attempted to write every day for a month
and I did not succeed, but being able
to write at all is a HUGE accomplishment
I WILL not beat myself up for not doing it every
day, I WILL be grateful that I have this outlet when
there have been times in the past that grief has
dried up my words and I was not able to write at all

Poetry is a lovely part of my life, but my poetry
has not been lovely lately, it has been raw and 
emotional and full of pain and loss
but it has calmed my soul and heart in a way
that nothing else has
I am grateful for poetry in my life
I am grateful for people following my painful journey
by reading my poetry
and I am grateful for everyone in my life
who has reached out to help me in my 
time of sorrow
Most of all, I am grateful that I have faith
and I am surrounded by people that love me
and most of all God’s love and care
that has kept me breathing, living, and writing

In a gray Airbnb in Topeka that smells of old cigarettes and fried food,
I’m trying not to cry in the early morning. I put on a Spotify mellow mix playlist,

start to stretch on the gray floor. I hear the gray rain coming down and click through
a list of mindfulness steps to pull my awareness away from the giant, screaming 

pain in my chest. I try to think about our route westward, the Brown v Board of Education
National Parks museum that we’ll go to once everyone wakes up and packs,

what kind of poem I might find there as a white woman. And I look up to see
the beige sign on the gray wall, a big fake wood cutout circle that says Yay! You’re here.

And I am. I am in this floor in Topeka. My love and the children are sleeping, ready
to float along on the itinerary I have chiseled out for us. Yay! You’re here.

I am. All the doors in my head bursting open and slamming shut, rapidfire.
My heart like a pot of thick oatmeal when the hidden depths get so hot

it creates a pocket of boiled-off vapor, and when it’s finally strong enough,
it bubbles up and splatters thick oats everyway, scalding anyone

who happens to be near. Yay! You’re here. I am, and though I am not good,
I am better. And that is worth a cheap celebration in gray Kansas.

the tagged overpass
the cave drawings at Lascaux
these words on my phone 
petroglyphs of the future
we were here here here here here 

Love the way this rolls
off my tongue promising tastes
delighting my senses
cuts of smoked sausages, fruits
brie, cheddar,Manchego, Swiss. 

–inspired by Elisabeth Vincentelli, “How Passengers Retooled,” NYT, June 17, 2025

Are you faced with a stressful predicament,
dangling in the air,
hanging upside down, batlike,
the consequences weighing,
catapulted up or dropped down,
no net or mat?

You have to proceed in crocodile mode
the way certain aquatic
reptiles can slow their heart rate
to preserve their energy underwater.

Prepare by rubbing resin on your body,
every place that people might catch you,
to make sure that even if there’s a little
bit of sweat, you will be sticky
and there’s less chance of a slip

though the real bond remains the one
among your team. Listen to each other.
No one is alone at the circus.

Why is it that Monday

In the weekday is the first?

Of all the days a man can face

It has to be the worst.

Friday night we all got right

It was fun, sure, all around

Now here I lay on the first work day

And how my head does pound.

Saturday was fine you know

From first light to the end

I lived it up and was in my my cups

Visiting with friends.

The food was rich and the talk was too

As we took in the town

And it seemed like by the end of it

I hadn’t much more than laid down.

Til Sunday morn appeared right bright

And off we went again

To remove the fog with the hair o’ the dog

At breakfast with our friends.

The day ran on and so did we

Piled in a car

We headed off two counties away

To visit another bar.

The music flowed, and the spirits too

We took in all they had

Food and drink to the glasses clink

My gut is iron clad!

Now here I lay at the start of day

Knowing all I need to do

I look around as my head pounds

My stomach’s rumblin’ too.

The alarm it seems to at me scream

And the light it hurts my eyes

Outside’s a bird that can be heard

To pipe torturous lullabies.

I’m sure he’s heard about the early worm

He’s up and out of the nest

Why can’t he shut his beak and let me sleep

Oh hell! I need some rest! 

“Oh well”, I say as I start my day

Tottering down the stairs

I lift the pot and the coffee’s hot

It drown’s out my cares.

Out the door I race, my day to face

With a week ahead of me

I swear my friend, “Never again!”

Just watch, you’ll see.

LexPoMo friends! 

This experience
has been such a delight—
to see the range, variety, and
impressive talent here.
Thank you all for showing up
and showing the way.
I’ve learned so much
through this process.
Hope to see you out in the world
and will look forward to reading
more of your work.

June, day after day
Poets illumined my way
Blessed soul stirrings