choice choice choice

Trigger warning: my son, Lumumba, died on October 17, 2021 of a drug overdose. He was only 32 years old. If the subject of drug addiction or poems about death are hard for you to read, please skip these or take care of yourself if you decide to read on. I love you.–c❤️m

the coroner at 3 am

the coroner came bearing pictures
that cold october morning.
the time was 3 am.

he told me and abbie
to brace ourselves, 
that they would be hard to see.
then one photo at time 
he took you away from me.

the first picture was your tattoo, 
a tree, black creeping branches
sprawling up your arm like veins.

the second was the red t-shirt  
i watched you effortlessly 
slide on that day.

now a pause 
before the hardest of them all:
your undeniable, sleeping face.

god, how i wish i hadn’t seen 
the coroner at 3 am,
with his grim and breaking news
ruthlessly changing everything. 

In my garden light plays hide and seek. 
Shadows crouch in corners then jump
out, darkness chasing the light,
back and forth, dark and light. 
Light wins, then dark wins,
epic battle, 
dappled shade
of my 
soul. 

Strawberry Blonde

Curls for days

Blue eyes filled with wonder

Freckles sprinkled

Across your perfect skin

You’ve “grown a foot”

Over the weekend

Feels like I haven’t seen you

In ages and ages

A couple days of sharing

But it feels like forever

Your sister seems so grown too

Her long red-brown hair

Green eyes glowing

But so tired from “big sistering “

She’s let her soul age

Beyond the point of no return

In just a weekend’s time

To say I’m glad you’re both home

Would be an understatement

I’ll hold on to every single day

All the moments in between

Until I have to share you again

No matter where you go

To me, you’re all mine

All the time.

I’ll be forever waiting.

Buttons, Zippers, Snaps
Elastic, Velcrow or Straps
Stretch Polyester

The smell of warm, humid rain,

Pitter-patter on a tin roof

The slow movement of cars,

And slightly wet hair

Laying in bed lonely,

Wishing you were here

To listen to it with me

And then comes the rain
Soft raindrops fall slowly with
Low rumbling thunder 

how does absence
fit in a room with only two people
deeply in love?

knowing it’s foolish, I ask the cards
if I will be okay. the big Okay.
    any opposition will be defeated. courage
    in the face of attack or adversity
    that cannot be removed.

I grin at Evelyn. it’s the last of five cards
and I placed it at the top. I shuffle
and put one card down. I’m asking
about you.
    the face suggests that of a dark woman
    whose qualities might be summed up
    in the idea of greatness of soul.
          she has also the serious cast of intelligence.
I make a rainbow of my mouth.
              she contemplates her symbol and may see
              worlds therein.
Evelyn asks me what I want from you. maybe
it’s nothing now. maybe to see you
a few more times.
                    opulence, magnificence, generosity,
                                                                      security,
                                                                              liberty.