*Thank you Kat Cody for your kind words recently*

To my ever-unassuming inner child whimpering
in the most fortified chambers of my heart
let me finally say 
that I am so, so sorry
for taking so long to find you.
To meet you.

You are strong.

Life has made for a very rough ride thus far.
You’ve been thrown against walls
and dropped from great heights,
allowed to spectacularly shatter so many times
yet you keep finding ways to piece it all back together
because there is no giving up in you.

You are brave

for learning how to cry louder
even when everyone around just seems annoyed,
like they can’t wait for us to shut up.
We’ve rarely been given reasons to believe
that the heroes can claim victory in the end,
yet you still suit up every time the fight is upon us.

You are good.

I know you wish that we could be
anybody else but who we currently are.
I know because it’s a wish I make daily.
To care is to walk a world full of devils
all trying to cut you down to size.
Whatever intimidates them is worth holding onto.

And now we are finally together.

I always knew of a damage deep within.
I’m just finally recognizing how impactful it is;
how much you have suffered.
From here on out, it is you who are number one,
not friends who allow falling or never-learning family
or even the God that put us here in the first place.

And we will finally thrive.

We’ll identify triggers and how to respond.
We’ll find ways to get out of the rain.
It may take some time to learn how to fight
but if it’s a problem for you, it is for me, too.
War I will boldly walk into
all in the name of growing beyond limitations.

To matter for once.
To crescendo.
To unlearn helplessness.

A preacher unholsters his spit-shined words, killing two stones with one bird.

Jesus is in the Wilderness
next to
the Salt and Pepper shakers.

The sun is still above the trees 
but is on it’s way down for the day
the moon is already visible in the sky,
just hanging out with the clouds
and the haze
As the sun dips further down, 
the colors blaze brightly
and the blue sky darkens
as the light seeps away 
until the sun dips completely down 
and the dark settles calmly
in and the stars begin to appear
as the day rests and night awakens

thrash through and past trees
bang pots and pans in kitchens
toss rubble and rabble rouse
then pick your penciled, and
scritch and scratch graphite
across this paper called life
until the words sing
and dance
and move
and sway
and spin
and romp
and sing, sing, sing

you’re my b side

i will not flip over for you

i write like my tongue’s tied

kick back while i scribble and lose

pack my bags, your nose bleeds

i am (your) everything

you will not split me in two

you cannot split me

too

the dirt 
that you did 

still grows 

roses 

Nothing Dr. Hue says
that a good message won’t fix,
so another afternoon session
with the Stunning Iris

After my precipitous dive
8 weeks ago friends (4)
called me a frank-en-steinish 
dutchjew (take that george
santos). Now bi-weekly
magical massages from our lovely
miracle has restored this bi-man
to his usual kind of ugliness. Iris is
a walking U N, her grandparents
vietnamese, african-american &
irish, quechua(Peruvian, her
fingers are heat-seeking digits
that can reach every kink
of one’s being, when she uses
force to restore my shoulder
her left hand holds me like a lover,
when she finishes my back side 
she stretches out her body
on top of me,

that is is when I go to heaven.
A year ago today I landed
in this blighted paradise 
and tomorrow all my comrades
depart for the world
1) Penelope to U.T. Austin
for a summer internship
2) Dr. Hue to China,
he has his own reasons
3) Iris to accompany #2
4) sister Helen away for Brooklyn
to visit her Orthodox cousin

In the 2nd floor A/C
of Helen’s condo
I’ll file my nails
hammer out notes
of a remnant life
pine for my (still unsold)
house boat on Herrington Lake
eat in silence
be patient in my recently acquired
impotence
keep watch on Alligator Lake
force myself to look somewhere else

Five years

-for e.b.s.

The sunlight comes through the curtains
You ask what time it is

Your back is to me
You face the wall

What time is it?
There isn’t time

Soon. However,
you roll over, kiss me

You do all sorts of things:
bring water with lemon, black coffee, a SPAM and cheese omelette

I watch your back arch to the sun,
us waiting for me to decide when to leave

I love you, you’re here again—-
moving, but here, welcoming my love once again

Please don’t shatter it
Walk me out instead of just to the door

I am not perfect; this is not perfect—-
has not and will never be—-but please stay a friend

I love you