On Being the Eldest Daughter
My mother is dying
somewhere in the middle
of nowhere Eastern Kentucky.
I am driving home
from a city hours away to say goodbye.
The decision—
life or death rests in my childlike hands.
Her baby blues, her newborn scalp.
I do not want to play God.
A pigeon flies into traffic,
nose-dive to pavement, tail towards the sky.
Wings flap and plead in the middle lane
aching for air, for undoing.
Its small road-burned face finding
the shoulder of the road to cry on.
The unexpected safety of that bluegrass.
Not the mercy I prayed for,
but the mercy that came.
I do not know who I become
when there is no one left to care for.