Forty like you mean it!  

And I do. The last six weeks, a whirlwind
tour of love. On the road & back again so many                  
                                                                                      times. I have seen
so many people, a weaving  

together of all these parts of myself,
in ways both healing &  
                                            affirming. I would not be
the person I am today without every minute
of the last forty years. This milestone  

a celebration of the threads,           
                                                    long, tangled & multi-colored,  

that connect me to each of you.  

Let’s sit together this time,          
                                                 in space
& say           
          “so, who are we now?” The answer,
invariably both everything & ever-changing,  

like a poem.                      
                        To be known through grief & loss,  

that constant evolution of self, is to be
truly known. When I lost my mom,  

my step-mom, when I ended
my long-term partnership, closed off  

a new & deeply profound love—all this alongside
the joys. Yes, always too the joys.        
                                                            The stitch of grief  

runs deep, just like all my relationships do—
scattered now in space & time.      

So, happy birthday to me. But, really, to you
for making it all the more meaningful,  
                                                                      mile-filled, & messy!

—dedicated, with love, to all my friends & family who have made the last few weeks (and years) so sweet—

Leaves in shades of green
Lay across our blue blue sky
Thankful for summer

do you remember the day
your lips met her lips

the day your tongue
touched her tongue

the moment you chose
her (you) for the first time?

do you remember the liminal
space between who you

believed you were and who
you became right there

in that moment when
just the parting of her lips

became your portal
home?

As the mid-day sun 
has pulled the sweat 
from our bodies 
when all the fun 
we can possibly muster
has been had and gone 
my favorite part begins
crawling into our bed 
tasting the salty sunshine 
on your inked skin 
tracing your new freckles 
tasting summer on your lips 
goodnight my love 

premise is the same:

be fast or put ball in hole

for entertainment.

today
birds in the garage 
flitted across the floor
either in desperation
or rage
but I felt their bodies 
in my hands 
for a brief moment
to see if they were injured

later 
it was quiet 
and nothing was to
be found

bad or good
it had passed

You were just crazy enough to be sane
and optimistic enough to think the world of me.
But in the 1 month and 15 days you’ve been gone
you’ve been reduced to scraps of handwriting in birthday cards
Arby’s milkshakes
Ashes floating in a blue urn, buried six-feet deep.
A box of programs under the bed
Bits of celebrity gossip
A Simon and Garfunkel Greatest Hits vinyl
whisper white hair
your brown Acura 
a shared love of microwave popcorn
The Blue Bloods season finale you never got to watch
and a heart held together with duct tape and promises to stay tough.

There was a garden in my dream
midnight stretched like a drum
a crow in profile sings his sable song
A door of the forest
opened the world
of possible universes
waiting for me
the stars: little threads
whispering their sweet and sorrow
a map of wanting
heavy as a continent
the blue vault above us
held up by the ribs of trees  

What I want to believe is that
across the great valley of grief
the space between us
is a muscle
of regret
a secret world of meadow & heart
music floating by in waves
you can almost touch  

The days are full like a tick
Feeling for truth swallows me whole
I wonder what it would be like
to tilt our faces like wide white moonflowers
if the air sang through our hair
like a wave of yellow memory
the seeds sprout as you sleep
pulling out the stitches  

~ A cento of lines/phrases from LEXPOMO poets in the following order: Gregory Friedman, Taunja, Taunja, Jim Lally, Gwyneth Stewart, Laura Foley, Laura Foley, Shaun Turner, Sylvia Ahrens, Shaun Turner, Linda Bryant, Gwyneth Stewart, Gwyneth Stewart, Nancy Jentsch, Ellen Austin-Li, Shaun Turner, Sylvia Ahrens, Jim Lally, Coleman Davis, Taunja, Leah Tenney, Linda Bryant, Carrie Carlson, Manny Grimaldi, Megan Wethington, Sophie Watson, Roberta Schultz, Liz Prather, Gwyneth Stewart, Kevin Nance