abuse is a word i am uncomfortable with,
and i never anticipated using it to describe parts of my own life.

when i was told i’d been abused i didn’t know how to react. 
i detailed how you treated me to so many people before in an emotionless manner,

but the word struck me hard, and cut deep
and i found myself holding back tears.

acknowledging that what you’d done to me was more than just “mean words”
or a “lost temper”
meant acknowledging that i didn’t truly love or respect myself enough
to decide on my own that i deserved so much more than what you had given.