i useta love
you
i think

i know you
made me feel
things that made me
try to claw
through 4 decades of skin
crack already cracked bone
pull that heart grenade
from my chest
and squeeze
until the dripping stopped
or exploded one

funny how a pen is always involved

but was that love?

or was it
just me 
wearing a mask 
pretending
that feeling good 
was what would come 
when the beatings
stopped?
 
either way
when it’s quiet
i remember you fondly
almost having moments in which 
i miss you

but don’t expect a letter