ACE up my sleeve
Friend’s husband, Dennis, asks, “Have you thought about getting married again?” My eyeballs involuntarily roll heavenward, then flash him a piercing side eye. “I guess that’s a no.” I agree. “Don’t ya get lonely?” “With two goldens and a chocolate Labrador? Being solitary doesn’t bother me; I treasure my alone-ness. No one tells me when to eat, sleep, go anywhere, and all the other stuff.” Dennis, is a direct, straight forward guy, so “other stuff” escapes him. (He and Cindy match perfectly.) “Dennis,” I say, “I’m a narcissist magnet. I dump nice guys and opt for assholes.” He lifts his battered blue ballcap to scratch his gray head.
I do not tell him how when younger other stuff meant survival, how my skin crawls at cultural demand for intimacy, how what was once a thread of resistance evolved into hawser. I do not say how storms rattled two marriages with deluge, lightning, slamming thunder, even tornadoes. I do not tell him how pairing left me a smashed, tinderbox house cast across a blood-soaked ground. I do not tell Dennis about three dead dogs and a horse. I do not tell him how I became wadded up poetry, stomped on, and tossed into a woodstove. I do not elaborate on how other stuff scrambled my battered brain. I cannot speak unspeakable words that made my ears ring. I do not tell him women don’t interest me either. I don’t share my simple opinion — what other people do in their bedrooms isn’t my business, but what happens in mine is. I do not tell this gentle person standing beside me how boundaries had to become cinder blocks.
I’d never heard of “ace” until I was old. Dennis wouldn’t understand.
17 thoughts on "ACE up my sleeve"
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“I’m a narcissist magnet.
I dump nice guys and
opt for assholes.”
(I hear ya! Me, too. In fact, I think I might have been training them without meaning to.)
Clear, concise words. Thanks for the posting!
Thank you, Carol. Prose poems present the challenge of maintaining the story while excising the words that don’t earn their keep in the poem. Decisions.Decisions.
Emotional and heartfelt. Love the repetition of “I do not” in the poem. It was good to read your work this year.
Thank you so much for your feed back. I so enjoughed everyone’s work. Maybe we will bump into each other some day.
Honest and brave!
Thank you for sharing your work and for being a part of the conversation about my work.
Thank you so much, Pam. I’ve so enjoyed your work. I m hope we get to meet in person some day.
🙂
A good decision to make this a prose poem. I just wanted to keep reading this. Didn’t want to take a pause.
Oh, .Linda, thank you so much. 💙
Fantastic, EE! You saved your best for last. And you shed light on the still poorly understood topic of asexual identity.
You’ve been a wonderful poet and colleague this month. Thank you!
Thank you so very much. I’ve benefitted from reading your work and that of other supurbe poets. I sincerely hope to be able to meet many.
BTW, Bob, my apt mgr, knows you. Kentucky is a small town! 😅
E.E. Thank you so much for your writing this month. I’ve enjoyed reading several of your pieces. Appreciate your insights and depth of perception. Happy Trails to you, Darlene
Devastating. And devastatingly beautiful—this explanation that should not need explanation. Great title (and I learned a new phrase).
I look forward to reading your work next year! You’ve been so wonderful to follow and kind to comment. 😊
EE, I have enjoyed being a part of with community with you! Your clear-eyed voice always rings through in your work!
EE yes your voice is so unique in both your work and comments! Glad you were here!
E E., you definitely did justice to the prose poem! I’ve so enjoyed reading your work and am thankful for your support in this month of writing! It’s been a pleasure!
I’m so sorry the persona in the poem had to experience that ACE. And applaud the resilience and bravery that is evident in the act of surviving and overcoming. You describe well the offhand remarks made (with good intent) that reveal the lack of knowledge about an entire other world of suffering that is invisible to some and always present to others.
I’ve enjoyed your thoughtful work, and appreciate your commitment to conversing and supporting others, including me 🙂
Blessings to you.