I almost lost you yesterday.

It’s something I have to take seriously
without looking at it too closely
if I’m going to make it
through the next month
without breaking down.

I know you are sorry.
And I know you are as scared as I am.
I know that, as one of my therapists said,
the brain makes a lot of stuff.

We have all scared ourselves at some point.

I have tried to prepare for a life without you
because it is my greatesf fear
and I need to know I can survive it.
But it is still my most painful thought.

Today has been a normal day
filled with your laughter.
But ocassionally,
in the silence,
I think about almost.