last day of the month
last day of the first half of the year
even good days are now difficult
the moderate has become what would have once been labeled as extreme
and here I am
in the middle yet outside
I am totally and utterly alone
despite the booming of the firecrackers and the uncontested silence of a voice
both of which assure me people are present
if only in certain instances
I explained I write quickly and yes, grapes were in my chicken salad this time around
my friend said she shouldn’t have to explain why her life matters and I quite frankly agree
my other friend told me what I already knew
and strangely I am not disappointed
uncertainty is the grand punishment from God, or at least one of them
at times that is how I feel, how I interpret anyway
some people never get angry with God and I wonder what kind of relationship that is
I also wonder why God gave me this particular set of emotions
why not a different temperament but ordinary disturbs me
as does change except at times it thrills me, depending
I asked multiple groups what Independence Day will be about this time around
and not surprisingly no one seems especially patriotic as of late
except for those I don’t generally associate with
I do miss baseball games
and wearing my black high healed sandals that I only wear a few times per season
the fact I was going to take some girls to New York and now I cannot
or can I, just not today
sometimes I forget I own a particular dress
my pandemic weakness is shoes and I have now ordered four pairs
but maybe my strength is I have not purchased more
I continue to work on my painting, based on a photo
I will soon purchase seed beads and make an anklet
my puzzle is slowly, ever so slowly, progressing
and I am bewildered at the state of the world
confused as to why I am still here, in this place
despite the freedom and my ability to swim in deep water
change only comes from more than a posted sign in ones front window
change can come swiftly and override it all