Axe
Even as a young boy who shouldn’t understand loss you did,
wrapping your arms around me as I slumped
Onto the floor, many years later, where our limbs once fit with room
to spare, you made space, saw something I had hidden and gave it back
My attempts to reciprocate feel false, like my bright pink tee glowing
in a sea of black, bodies crashing to the hardwood below, your shirt
A tanktop featuring a truckers hat, sweaty as you shred
our ears, our inhibitions, the room, I’m constantly in awe
That you continue to stay under the same roof with a thief, a liar, a junkie,
someone taking a hatchet to you is beyond my understanding and I say as much
During an intervention, where our father tags along for moral support
in the backseat, barely hearing the words I shout over the pummeling rain
I’m awash in regret, knowing I fucked up, that I failed you,
that I couldn’t reach you through my condescension and desperation
So when you find what I have hidden, I hope that you see me, hear me
through all the static, and understand what I’m really trying to say
You were always the best of us.
5 thoughts on "Axe"
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This is a deeply affecting poem with all the complexities of family relationships and addiction. I appreciate you sharing this!
I’m not 100% sure I understand the dramatic situation here but I feel the intimacy and urgency and passion of it loud and clear. Congrats on delving into such depths as these.
Intense and raw. Good poem!
Though I puzzle at the circumstances and the particulars of the story–they don’t matter, since you’ve painted the emotions so well.
Yeah, I realized that it wasn’t fully cohesive in its first form but wanted to post it anyway as a starting point. Thank you for the feedback!