Bang
The stillness of new-fallen snow
calls to mind a cornfield
beyond my childhood home, the hill
at its edge descending
to the wood where sometimes a doe
stands rooted beside the water.
I feel the weight of my sister
behind me as we double
up on our sled, blaze orange
to protect us from hunters.
Cushioned by the down of winter
coats and snow pants, we push
off from the crest, mittened
hands pressing virgin
powder, packing the foundation
for a fast track. The slope
plunging toward the creek is clear
but for one scraggly tentacle
of barren bush which reaches
across our path. We barrel
down anyway, laughing
until the hot jolt
of pain when a briar hooks
the bow of my lip. I jam
my boot against the ground,
stop hard. The sled whips
around like a caught fish
on the end of a line.
My sister’s mouth moves.
I hear only blood, heart
hammering my ears.
I think of that deer, imagine
the echo of a gunshot,
everything bright and silent
white, the scream of her wound
spilling drops of crimson.
12 thoughts on "Bang"
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love how you ended on a screaming wound
beautiful images and word choice!
Damn, Chelsie! I was going to say this was a pastoral poem, like you were channeling your inner Robert Frost. Then all of a sudden it’s a completely different poem! The pain you felt from the briar and how you imagined it must be like what the doe would feel if she were shot. It’s an interesting twist on empathy. All excellent.
Thank you for this comment…I was overthinking and legit not sure if I got where I wanted to go, but I can tell you got it!
There is power and movement in your choice of words. You keep the adjectives at a minimum and takes on this ride!
wow…wow…wow
so many layers in these images:
weight of my sister/behind me as we double/up on our sled, blaze orange/to protect us from hunters.
mittened/hands pressing virgin/powder
And the turn: slope/plunging toward the creek is clear
but for one scraggly tentacle
and the incredible ending: everything bright and silent
white, the scream of her wound
spilling drops of crimson.
You take us on an exhilarating ride, Chelsea. Starting slow and pristine and then moving, gaining speed, into an abrupt stop: empathy descending like a dark dove. 🕊️ Really well done.
This piece feels like a movie. The ending image is so cinematic
This looks so good on the page.
The way the breaks flow through the tercets really meanders this in the reading.
Great poem.
being hooked by the briar and its aftermath gave me the chills
The images you write are vivid. I feel like I am right there with you. Nicely done!
That hooking is so painful to read! Love how you tie the two through the crimson spill.