was built to live in this 
    blue heat 
                    think it birthed me sweet
baked me in those years of living in 
    the childhood home i actually remember 
clear    & shiny like a mirror in the smoky 
past            it was a house cooled 
by fire        a house baked in my father’s blue
tongue && his desire to live the white suburban 
life                        his fantasy         would prove to
to be the undoing to my small indigo pschye 
                &&&& we don’t speak of the years
i thought he would die by his own hand
            we don’t speak of burning         or 
how his self taught narratives got him caught up 
    & obsessed with a snake of a women even satan 
                would cower at 
        but i can still feel it simmering beneath 
my bones             the betrayal & also the years held 
hosatge by her families roots & how they wanted to 
wash all the black of my blue body out of me
                in search of the small drop of spanish blood
hidden deep in my teal veins                i never loved 
them but i always smiled so wide they could see the sky burning 
inside me                    they all mistook the heat of anger bubbling 
in me for         soft warmth            to them i was a forever softened sun
        dim & quiet               & too black for them to truly love 
but i swear they were always in awe around me 
            like i was a puzzle they couldn’t figure out         one they couldn’t touch 
but mull over from a distance