Wife #7: I just want to begin by saying that I had no idea he was a criminal.            

Detective #1: Hmm . . .

Wife #7: I suppose the prenup should have been a red flag; but when you’re in love, you’re in love, and you expect a happy ending.  

Detective #2: Right.  

Wife #7: I mean when you read a written contract that prescribes immediate death upon opening the door to a linen closet you think it an editorial mistake.  

Detective #1:  Why were you so enamored with Bluebeard?  

Wife #7:  He never shaves but awakes every morning with a day-old-beard. Of course I was completely unaware of this fact until after the wedding.  

Detective #2: When did you first suspect your husband’s indiscretions?  

Wife #7: I saw bloody footprints leading from the door of the linen closet to the master bedroom, red flag #2, but I chose to ignore them, it, the red flag you know. Who wants to be accused of hysteric paranoia?  

Detective #1: Of course. Can you tell us what led up to your dialing 911?  

Wife #7:  Well . . . I really don’t want to think about this . . . my husband was in Las Vegas for a business conference. Not unusual. But we were expecting overnight guests before he returned home and I was looking for the 1500-thread-count sheets. We live in a mansion in a high-rent district, you know, but he’s very stingy. Who hides their expensive linens?  

Detective #2: What did you discover when you unlocked the door?  

Wife #7: There was a lot of blood and dead women hanging from the ceiling but I don’t want to talk about that . . . I had no idea he had so many ex-wives. He had a lot of secrets.