I’m ridin’ through

listenin’ to Mac [Miller].

Thinkin’ bout what we lost

the strength it take

to fight a battle against yourself

demons of addiction

talons dug in round your ankles

draggin’ you down, down, down.

Music floatin’

got me cloud-soft

pillowin’, billowin’

smokestack big as lady liberty

how come I never felt less free?

The crackle of the inhale

radio static, snow on the tv

tortilla chips in the bowl, stale.

I got everything I want

but it still feels like I’m in stuck in hell.

Every person I love

lettin’ ‘em down.

Sunshine blinding under these shades

cold sweat clings to my back

like the ice tea glasses

I used to drink with my grandma

same color as the August air’s consistency- molasses.

She don’t even know her own name now

half the time I couldn’t tell you mine neither.

That’s how I like it

numb my troubles away

barely breathing.

Takin’ the Benadryl route

can’t be sneezing if you’re sleeping.

Somnambulating through these patchwork scenes

‘til it’s decided next season

They don’t need me now, now, now.

Downward spiral

toilet flush or buzzard

it’s almost my time.

I don’t think I can catch up

no more strength left to muster.

It’s scorching out here

I can feel it through my closed eyelids

like the inside glass of the stove

when you’re checking the chocolate chip cookies

that you made cause they’re her favorite

and you just want to see that smile.

I want to open my eyes

stand up and move

but I just keep baking like the cookies

with the burnt bottoms

you threw out, out, out.