I still miss you.

You were the first dog

who was truly mine.

You will always be my baby.

I have been missing you lately,

telling my therapist about you.

Tonight, I was writing about your death

to discuss it in therapy.

The weekend we had to let you go,

saying goodbye from several states away,

unable to hold you

and tell you how much we love you

one last time.

It all came pouring back to me

like a wound ripped wide open.

(There are moments when

I touch the past

and it feels so real

that it scares me.)

I cried hard.

I still miss my best friend

all these years later.

I will always love you.

I will always miss you.

Your mommy held me

and we told happy stories

about you

until we were both

smiling and laughing.

You gave us so much joy.

Thank you for sending us a new dog.

We know you hand picked her just for us.

Mommy knew she was meant to be ours

the first time she saw her.

We went downstairs

and loved on Angel

and played with her

for a long time,

showering her with the love

you taught us.

I don’t know

if I will ever understand

how I can love

two separate dogs

so strongly,

so fiercely,

how my love for each of you

is so similar

and so different.

I will always miss you.

I will always love you.

Thank you for being ours.

Thank you for sharing this life

wish us

for a while.