Disappear
Disappear,
That’s what my mind is best at,
Playing hide and seek
And telling me lies about my own image.
What I see is mostly false,
I rarely see myself at all,
Pointing out every flaw,
The self-criticism never stops.
I hardly get a moment to breathe,
I am my own worst enemy.
How many pounds have I gained?
Any number is too big.
And when will I be good enough?
When will I notice what I love?
When will I not hurt to touch?
That’s what my mind is best at,
Playing hide and seek
And telling me lies about my own image.
What I see is mostly false,
I rarely see myself at all,
Pointing out every flaw,
The self-criticism never stops.
I hardly get a moment to breathe,
I am my own worst enemy.
How many pounds have I gained?
Any number is too big.
And when will I be good enough?
When will I notice what I love?
When will I not hurt to touch?
2 thoughts on "Disappear"
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I love the shape of this poem, how it seems to fall down the page into the margins below. Oh, and that self hatred? That seeing your flaws and not your whole self? I feel that too. In different ways of course, but still. I’ve only seen a small corner of you through this poem, but know that what I see is beautiful.
This poem really picks up on that breathless quality of anxiety and self-criticism, raw and struggling. <3