Dollar General (Pantoum)
The old barn on the hill has given up, collapsed,
so many years neglected, it was bound to happen,
man on the porch waving as we pass,
a dying star in red pajamas, his body misshapen.
So many years neglected, it was bound to happen,
the road curves past fields carved up for sale,
a dying star in red pajamas, his body misshapen,
steely sharks circling a wounded whale.
The road curves past fields carved up for sale,
neighbors flock to the new Dollar General,
steely sharks circling a wounded whale,
moving the cemetery to make way for the mall.
Neighbors flock to the new Dollar General,
the tattered billboard boasts Jesus Saves,
moving the cemetery to make way for the mall,
we have failed the land with our selfish ways.
The tattered billboard boasts Jesus Saves,
man on the porch waving as we pass,
we have failed the land with our selfish ways,
the old barn on the hill has given up, collapsed.
18 thoughts on "Dollar General (Pantoum)"
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First reaction was the subtle shift.
Like when the light changes but I can’t put my finger on the change.
Iconic and photo perfect.
“we have failed the land with our selfish ways.”–I like how this pantoum tumbles into truth through images.
love the repetition and respond with oh no, say it isn’t so in the hope someday we might not give up.
Omg. A triumph!!
Thanks for taking us back down those old roads again.
Achingly beautiful. Well done, Bill.
a dying star in red pajamas – my heart
Thank you, Bill
Very good!
Time to write a pantoum. This an excellent piece. The repetition is very effective.
This is so good! I’m a little jealous of how well you’re doing with form. I particularly love the line “steely sharks circling a wounded whale.” Fabulous poem.
This made me hold my breath till the end, then gasp!
the medium fits the message well
Your formal poems this month are fantastic, Bill. You are shaping these vessels to your will.
Your thoughts and great details fit this form so well!
love: a dying star in red pajamas/we have failed the land with our selfish ways,
I see you’re stretching yourself this month, using fixed form to great effect. This is well done!
Beautiful! I love this form and how you maneuver the repetitions seamlessly and take us on such a visual journey.
I’ll have to try this form out, too. One day (not soon).
“Moving the cemetery to make way for the mall” encapsulates so much about us as a society.
There are two Dollar Generals between the small town my folks live near and their mountain home 10 minutes out, a constant source of outrage in their household.
Taking an admirable form and effortlessly using it to snap your picture.