Down the Mountain
We were hiking above the tree line,
so green in life and love,
when a storm moved quickly in
making us easy targets
for lightning pulsing behind
low clouds gun metal gray.
The first drops seemed to wake us
from our manufactured calm
and we began hurrying down the trail,
scree and stone growing slick
from unchecked rain that filled our eyes:
the world appeared through aquarium glass.
The boom of thunder — I cursed
the metal frame of my pack —
and we began to run, full on panic
down that peak, sliding through
switchbacks, hopping
over ruts like jackrabbits,
caroming against each other,
finding a rhythm, covering ground,
we began laughing at our unease,
when back beneath the canopy of trees,
we slowed to a brisk walk, hearts pumping,
breath in our ears.
We heard the strikes behind us,
we felt the air compress.
Your hair was matted to your face.
Your lips were wet, I remember.
12 thoughts on "Down the Mountain"
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“sliding,” “hopping,” “caroming” and the beautiful metaphorical frame to the action: what a poem to wake up to
A great story, cinematically rendered. The ending made me think: I bet I know what they did NEXT.
Beautiful, I went down the mountain with you, and the close-up zoom to her face at the end was wonderful. Very well done
Yeah !! What they said.
So visual
” so green in life and love ”
Is deft. Like an opening scene
and we are right into suspension of disbelief running with you.
Such a wonderful slide into that last scence.
Last couplet sensual
feel the kiss coming
The end is really beautiful and surprising, and I also love “scree and stone growing slick” and “the world appeared through aquarium glass.”
This one is very alive and romantic- inertia builds throughout.
kinda skips all the way down to
Your lips were wet I remember
Nice
Don’t change a thing. (Of course, poets always want to keep changing the words.) But this read perfectly to me. Drop the mic.
wonderful! so full
finding your level together
like water always does..
Fantastic!
Loved it! So green in life and love!