i.

I ponder over big words…

the ones with more then two syllables,
the ones I pretend I know the meaning of-
like I actually understand the conversation…

I’m a fake-
a muggle in a world of wizards,
a child in a world of adults
playing pretend


ii.

I spend time lingering under the shade 
provided by a deserted football bleacher-

watching pale people become ghosts
and hearing lonely ones read to phantoms-

I spend hours in the way of a breeze
waiting for time to blow me away-

Strangers ask for my name,
congratulate me for existing-

I work off their praise-
thrive off the attention

June has left me lonely
craving sun, then shade, then night


iii.

Treasures of the earth uncovered-
turned over thanks to a great conscience…

the spirit of the conversation darkens
as confiscation starts.

Building pyramids from dirt-
monuments from bones-

carving the future from our history
it’s a biblical text.
The story of our bodies:
from genes to genesis,
we can draw abiding conclusions…

We are treasure

our bodies turned over for a greater good-
our language shifts into an ugly sound-
and we are stripped of our identity…

We were dirt
turned bones-

our history lost to a magic fable.

It’s a biblical prediction,
the story of our hands,
from start to end.

We draw the line at tragedy repeating.


iv.

I got cut by the sharpness of the tongue,
got stung by the floating ember of a dead fire,

got killed by the mistranslation of bodies.

I fail on definition-
fall to deeper meaning-
I cling to kinder words
in hope of getting reincarnated as a princess.

Can one fault me for existing?
I find flaws within my drawn conclusions-
too prideful to admit to them.

Consoled in the ‘happily ever after’ theory
While knowing I’m going to burn
in hell


v.

Pillows full of dust-

I’m begging to suffocate 

on allergies 

and pain medication


vi.

“It’s for the aesthetic”


Thrifting long dresses-

only to strip them of their nature.

Eating cookie dough ice cream-

as I’m melting in the summer heat.

Listening to Lana Del Rey-

while driving in the rain.

Wearing long sleeves 

in the summer.

Keeping a journal

of my meals.

Wasting away

by the liquor store.


I’m right back to where I started

a whole two years ago.