Your dog is doing that cute trick

you keep trying to film.

Oops.  It was off camera.

Sorry.

Your dog is making faces

at the cats

outside

in the rain.

Your dog has been staring at me intensely

for three whole hours.

Please press the button

that makes me toss her a treat.

Your dog is practicing card tricks,

possibly for nefarious purposes.

Your dog is practicing witchcraft,

definitely for nefarious purposes.

Your dog is performing the first act of Hamilton.  Poorly.

Your dog is howling Nickelback songs.

Please press the screen three times

if you want me to call her a “bad dog.”

Your dog is standing on the

Victorian fainting couch.

(You do own one of those, don’t you?)

Your dog is reading right wing propaganda.

Please come home soon.

Your dog has flipped her name around and become God.

It is mass chaos here.

She is demanding ALL the treats!

Please for the love of dog, come home!