no she’s not dead to me  

we just don’t talk anymore 

in fact, i don’t even remember

what her voice sounds like 

i bet if she opened her mouth 

all i’d hear is air or maybe 

a whistle or a thousand 

bees coming at me all at once 

buzzing & electric & full of stingers 

& pollen & she makes me wanna sneeze 

or scratch my own skin off 

& my words are never enough 

or maybe i speak & all she hears 

is sobbing or siri 

maybe i’m the dial tone on her cellphone 

a year ago she waited for her ex

boyfriend to pick up 

he begged for her life force back

& i wonder if all my ghosting has made 

me a phantom to her too do i 

haunt her like she sometimes haunts me?

am i dead to her? 

the problem with ghosting someone for 

the first time is that you will always 

remember them an afterthought, a wrong

turn to nowhere, separate 

divided teeth 

biting into the hand that feeds me 

my teeth just go through 

every time someone says her name 

all i smell is fumes like an aftershock 

& i still defend her sometimes 

bad aftertaste & backtalk she never lets 

me breathe anymore the weight of her

ghost permeates a room & she’s better off without me 

& i want to be her villain origin story 

but so many people have wronged her

i guess i’ll have to wait my turn 

guess i’ll settle for haunting her instead