he implies my grandfather will be too
      out        of it (crashing
around pain orbit)            for our prayer
      gifts and holy flowers            (blood
red roses) to mean            anything
                   to direct our attention
to my grandmother (turtleneck frizz
my             owl eye             alone
      grandmother) who is having a hard
time          watching him in so much
         pain
                  I imagine you      in the 
death       bed with eyes       screwed shut
           writhing no words
and I imagine                    watching
           and then I imagine living an ocean
apart          for 30 years
          and writing          an email to my grand
children                about your glimmering
                black car (you leaning
against it                                        gorgeous)
                 and I imagine your years
and mine                                              being
                   so                               long
and I step      out       of my grandmother’s
body        and      look                         down
         because I am scared to see          her
face