A televangelist wants a jet.
He tells people, Jesus
wouldn’t ride a donkey
if He were alive today.
The evangelist tells his followers
God told him to upgrade.  

God speaks to me, too, 
sometimes I hear Him.
Just the other day God
told me it was time to play
with myself, mistressbate,
shejaculate, vibrate,
but 20 minutes later
God said to me, yes
people, God said to me,
UPGRADE, in a very deep
resonant sort of voice.
Then He said, clear as a church bell;
Your vibrator is no longer adequate.
More power, maybe bigger
after all you are a tad fatter
than 15 years ago
when you stopped having,
actual, sexual intercourse
with humans. Like God knows
everything, doesn’t He?

I couldn’t believe the revelation
I was in the thick of, I was inspired,
plus the multiples left me energized.
I created a gofundme account,
I made a video, but I forgot
to mention God. I talked
about a woman’s needs.
I showed my old has-been,
water-proof, 7”er, and I cited
all sorts of medical reasons
for why an upgrade was a necessity,
and why I needed money
for such an important purchase.
I posted the video
and I thought, I am done.
I have completed the task
God put before me.
I even promised to give,
yes, give away, vibrators
to marginalized girls
and women who didn’t have,
or couldn’t afford, one,
with any extra money raised.  
One minute gofundme
says I am good to go,
the next, they inform
me I am in violation
of the terms
and conditions.
I was shocked.
I am still shocked,
but more saddened
because I was so looking
forward
to being:
revitalized, rejuvenated,
to having:
bladder control, a firm UPA,
skinny and tight lips,
and most importantly,
to fulfilling God’s mission
for me on that day.