i miss the way you used to laugh 
after you asked 
 
if it tasted good.
you already knew like water
 
knows every way to go.
except up was your smile
 
when you weren’t drunk.
on your fear it was only a matter
 
of time before you knew.
when the bread was done
 
or my oven was full.
we used to hide our pain
 
from you like clovers in a field.
of silence we used to block
 
out your insults and chatter.
like giants we took extra care
 
not to stumble over the cracks.
in your stories like shephards
 
we hid our white friends from you.
so as not to trigger your nightmares
 
granny this is why we loved you.
but we never told you that 
 
around every corner isn’t a husband.
that never returns it was always
 
you