I wish time
and again 
that I had done more;
tried harder
given life a different spin.

At one point,
I must have been a child.
I remember risk-taking felt so much freer.

now I curl up in a ball
    bend right over
    head stuck in dirt

If I can’t see it
               (which I can)
         I don’t have to feel guilt for missing it
                                    (when I do).

my back aches now

missed opportunities

if I could just 
get.   over.    myself.

I could hit her.

the rage I feel

for staying right there

     letting nothing change

She kept me wilted.

Now I’ve woken up
I want to go right back to sleep.

There’s nothing here for me.

I didn’t plant any seeds.