there was this moment 
when I wanted to know 
more about the world
that older high schoolers
rolled dice and shouted
but I didn’t know the word lore
and the internet was still
the Wild West 

so I went to their house 
saw the books
scattered 
on a pool table 
none of which 
they were interested
in letting me read 

so I went home 
empty handed 
and reminded 
to not be so eager 
in front of people 

they confused it 
for desperation
to fit in
to a group 
that didn’t fit in