I try not to let

the lens of

depression

darken

all my past

good days.

Still,

last summer

feels like

some impossible dream

now.

A week in LA

as myself,

shopping,

having my make-up done,

attending the world premiere

of a trans musical

I helped fund.

A week in Detroit

as myself

with my partner,

being female

24/7,

meeting other trans girls,

making friends,

dancing,

living my joy.

Transitioning felt

inevitable

then.

Now it feels

dangerous

and forever away,

the first steps still

years and years

into the future,

more a question mark

than a certainty.

They say no one can take from you

the dances you’ve already danced.

I just wish I could remember the music.