You are a hovering pitcher pouring out.
I watch you give until you’re gone
and practice replacing you in your absence.
When I learn what saved us cost you everything;

I want to shape myself into your mold.
I want to take up so much space I break it.
I want to earn every bit of belonging.
I want to trust I always deserved more.
I want to offer everyone I’ve loved, the condensation of me.
I want to hold tight to every evaporating drop I received.
I want to haunt myself when I’m still so unbearably
and beautifully
here.

 
I want to pull away from the leeches sucking me dry.
I want to offer you a redo.
A legacy of love
that isn’t terrified of its own needing aching heart.
I want to honor you, the best thing to happen to me.
I want to be the best thing that happened to me.