How do you cope

when your

body is on fire

and it won’t be

put out

for weeks?

I wake up exhausted

in the mornings.

Pain wakes me up

in the middle of the night.

Car trips over an hour

are pure hell.

There is no discrete way

to ice one’s hemorrhoid

at work

(so I don’t).

My concentration is shot.

I pretend to work.

I stop writing.

I drop all my major projects:

personal, spiritual, career,

all of it.

Some days

the ice packs

and the ointment

help.

Some days they don’t.

I don’t feel human.

I don’t feel real.

I don’t feel seen.

I feel abandoned.

I am waiting to pick my life up

again

where I left it months ago.

I resent living in this much pain.

I resent living

a life on hold.