a father at twenty mortgaged by twenty-two
my father didn’t have an office
with diplomas certificates news clippings
and I never aw him strangle himself
with a necktie at least not the kind you unknot
at the end of the day I often heard him curse
the grime he couldn’t quite wash off
his hands I heard him snarl
at my mother and at his invisible necktie
which kept getting tighter and tighter I
heard his footsteps the creak of the door
echoed by years of a silence he fathered
a silence split by my mother’s voice calling him
a bastard and by the dirty murmurs of her
other men my father told me I would understand
one day he tried to wash his hands
of all of it all of us
though we clung to his skin like scabs