After 14 years in a pretty solid relationship,
    I walked out on Jesus.
I did it because They said I had to.
Repentance requires regret
and I wasn’t sorry.

Like every other relationship I’ve attempted with a man,
I just wanted Him to love me for who I am
    – ill-fitting, noisy, impulsive bits and all –
but They said He could not.  Would not.

I think I’ve done just fine without Him all these years.
He’s crossed my mind from time to time
    – He still hangs out with some of my friends –
still I didn’t foresee Him re-entering my life
and certainly not on the lips of
    a rock and roll guitarist from New Jersey.

The nearly comic irony that a man has now tried to convince me to reconsider
this long-abandoned relationship with Jesus
is not lost on me.
He says the error in my ways was belief in the word of man
    instead of the word of God.
He says Jesus would’ve been cool with me as is, 
    if I’d given Him the chance.

Am I still reaching for redemption?
Or reaching for you?

You say don’t sweat the small stuff.
But all the big stuff is just made of small stuff, isn’t it?
At least it looks that way
    through the evening’s lavender filter:
the bits of iridescence from the street lights
your slightly sweaty hand
your hazel eyes
my left turn opposite your right
definitely not looking back.